0
Welcome Guest! Login
0 items Join Now

Qantas Airlines...(pretty funny)

Last Post
Search Topic
    • Robert D. Wagers's Avatar
    • Robert D. Wagers
    • Elite Rocketeer
    • Posts: 1545
    • Thanks: 0
    • Full-Time Cancer Fighter!

    Qantas Airlines...(pretty funny)

    Posted 17 years 8 months ago
    • Subject: Qantas Maintenance


      Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
      School diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely
      In our jobs.

      After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
      sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
      mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,


      And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
      Let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
      Actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a
      P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
      Engineers.

      By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
      an accident. Below is taken from Qantas maintenance logs for 2006.

      P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
      S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

      P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
      S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

      P: Something loose in cockpit.
      S: Something tightened in cockpit

      P: Dead bugs on windshield.
      S: Live bugs on back-order.

      P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
      Descent.
      S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

      P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
      S: Evidence removed.

      P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
      S: DME volume set to more believable level.

      P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
      S: That's what friction locks are for.

      P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
      S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

      P: Suspected crack in windshield.
      S: Suspect you're right.

      P: Number 3 engine missing.
      S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

      P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
      S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

      P: Target radar hums.
      S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

      P: Mouse in cockpit.
      S: Cat installed.

      And the best one for last..................

      P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
      Pounding on something with a hammer.
      S: Took hammer away from midget
    • "Everyone has to get knocked-down every once-in-a-while, otherwise you'll never learn how to get-back-up! "
      A quote attributed to my Grandpa Wagers
    #85121

  • Re: Qantas Airlines...(pretty funny)

    Posted 17 years 8 months ago
    • Lol - good find :D
    • James Spencer / Developer & Support / Hull, UK
    #85142

  • Re: Qantas Airlines...(pretty funny)

    Posted 17 years 8 months ago
    #85267

Time to create page: 0.097 seconds